Green Lantern Corps Turns Las Vegas into Emerald City for St. Patrick’s Day Blowout
Green Lantern Corps Turns Las Vegas into Emerald City for St. Patrick’s Day Blowout
LAS VEGAS, NV – In a dazzling display of cosmic debauchery, the Green Lantern Corps descended upon Las Vegas this St. Patrick’s Day, turning the Strip into a glowing green spectacle that put even the gaudiest casino marquees to shame. The intergalactic peacekeepers, known for wielding willpower-powered rings, reportedly decided that Sin City was the perfect spot to let loose, trade their oaths for Irish whiskey, and celebrate the luck of the Irish—or at least the luck of anyone still standing after their bar crawl.
Witnesses say the Corps, led by a slightly sloshed Hal Jordan, kicked off the festivities by projecting a massive emerald shamrock over the Bellagio fountains, which then erupted in a synchronized dance of green-tinted water and Guinness foam. “I swear I saw Kilowog arm-wrestling a leprechaun at the MGM Grand,” said one bewildered tourist, clutching a shamrock-shaped margarita. “He won, obviously, then bought the whole bar a round of green beer with some kind of glowing space currency.”
The Guardians of the Universe, the Corps’ pint-sized overlords, were reportedly less than thrilled. Sources claim they issued a stern telepathic memo from Oa, demanding the Lanterns “cease this unauthorized planetary pub crawl,” but it was promptly ignored when John Stewart turned it into a drinking game: one shot per syllable. By midnight, the Strip was a sea of green uniforms, with Guy Gardner allegedly challenging the Luxor’s spotlight to a “brightness duel”—a contest he lost spectacularly when he passed out in a pile of poker chips.
Adding to the chaos, Superman was spotted partying alongside the Lanterns, his cape tied jauntily around his neck like a St. Paddy’s scarf. The Man of Steel, usually a beacon of restraint, was seen belting out “Sweet Caroline” at an karaoke lounge with a gaggle of off-duty Lanterns, pausing only to photobomb selfies with a tray of shamrock-shaped Jell-O shots. Rumor has it he’s in town not just to revel, but to cut the ribbon at the grand opening of *Gunn’s Bar and Grille*, a new superhero-themed hotspot owned by filmmaker and Metropolis native James Gunn. The bar promises “Kryptonian-strength cocktails” and a menu featuring “Bizarro Burgers”—which are apparently just regular burgers served upside down.
“Supes was doing keg stands with the Lanterns like it was his last day on Earth,” said a bartender at Caesars Palace, shaking his head. “I asked him if he was worried about the Justice League finding out, and he just winked and said, ‘What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas—unless Batman’s got drones here too.’”
As the sun rose over the desert, the Green Lantern Corps staggered back to their rings, leaving behind a trail of glitter, empty pint glasses, and at least one missing power ring—last seen pawned at a shop near Fremont Street for “a really nice leprechaun hat.” Superman, meanwhile, was spotted nursing a coffee at Gunn’s Bar and Grille, muttering something about “never mixing Kryptonite shots with Irish car bombs again.” Las Vegas may never be the same, but for one glorious St. Patrick’s Day, it was the greenest city in the galaxy.