Benihana Peace Talks Between Xenomorphs and Predators Go Up in Flames (and Shrimp Tails)
Benihana Peace Talks Between Xenomorphs and Predators Go Up in Flames (and Shrimp Tails)
MARCH 30, 2025 – In a bold attempt to end centuries of intergalactic bloodshed, the local Benihana in Topeka, Kansas, hosted a historic dinner to broker peace between the Alien Xenomorphs and the Predator Hunters. The event, billed as “Grill and Chill: A Diplomatic Hibachi Summit,” promised sizzling diplomacy over teriyaki chicken and sake bombs. Instead, it devolved into chaos thanks to an overzealous rookie hibachi chef, Chad “Two-Trick” Thompson, whose culinary missteps left egg on an alien’s face—literally—and shrimp tails tangled in a Predator’s dreadlocks.
The evening started with cautious optimism. Xenomorph Queen Zzz’klar and Predator Clan Leader G’ruk the Spine-Ripper sat across the teppanyaki grill, eyeing each other warily as Chad flipped spatulas with the confidence of a man who’d watched one too many YouTube tutorials. The menu was ambitious: miso soup to soothe tensions, hibachi shrimp for unity, and a sake toast to seal the truce. But trouble brewed when Chad, eager to impress, attempted his signature “egg trick”—spinning a raw egg on his spatula before cracking it into a bowl.
Mid-spin, the egg wobbled, soared, and splattered across the head of Zzz’klar’s youngest hatchling, Xorble, who’d been invited as a goodwill gesture. The yolk dripped down the Xenomorph’s glistening dome, leaving the child hissing in humiliation. “It was supposed to land in my hat!” Chad yelped, ducking as Zzz’klar’s tail lashed out, narrowly missing his apron.
Things worsened when Chad, flustered, pivoted to the “volcano onion trick” and “heartbeat fried rice trick” simultaneously—a feat last week’s shift manager had warned required “full concentration or a death wish.” As he stacked onion rings into a flaming volcano, he misjudged the rice rhythm, sending shrimp tails flying. One lodged in G’ruk’s beaded braids, prompting a guttural roar and a brief unsheathing of wrist blades.
Diplomats fled as Benihana staff offered free edamame as reparations. Peace remains elusive, and Chad’s been demoted to dishwasher.